How many times have we attributed our reactions to external situations? How many times have we fooled ourselves that there was no other way we could have responded to a situation? I know you would say I couldn’t help but react that way. Really??
Anger is basically a byproduct of trying to control people and situations. There is no one who would be exactly the way we like.Everyone is trying to be just right in their own way. Anger affects the person harboring it the most. The harm it does internally to your body and mind is irreparable. It forms tendencies, impressions on your heart and probably a slowly creeping damage to your relationship with the other person.
Why we get Angry?
The same situation might act as a trigger for someone to be mad at; however, the other person might have no idea of what went wrong. This actually signifies that the responsibility of your anger is not on the outer situation as people react to the same situation differently.
Feeling of being threatened: People criticizing you might pose a potential threat to you and to conquer their control over you or defend your own inner worth you might want to hit them back with your anger response as this reinforces your ego. You would want to deny the other person’s authority over you with your anger and try to cover up your inner vulnerability.
Frustration: The actual reason may lie on something happened hours before you angry for example your boss might have given burdened you with lots of unachievable targets.You actually felt powerless or frustrated at that moment and suppressed it. You went home and your kid started asking you to play with him. Your immediate response was to scold him which was in response to your inbuilt frustration from something that happened in your office.
Ego trap: You internally feel that you were not given proper importance or respect in a given situation. You were mistreated by someone and you respond with anger.
How to deal with Anger:
Let’s see how we could prevent ourselves from impulsiveness when our mind signals us to burst out in anger:
Distance yourself from the scene: Try to distance yourself from the situation when you feel you could give in to anger. This may give you sometime to decide on the reaction sanely and regain your control.
Focus on your breath: Try to breathe deeply and focus on every single breath as your take it in and out.
Start counting till 10: This gives you some time again to think before you react.
Physical Activity: Try to move out and go for a walk or perform some physical exercises to calm down. Walking reduces the production of your stress harmones and brings down the negative energy to a great extent.
Visualize To de-stress: Try to imagine a pleasant scenery amidst the nature. Imagine the water in a free-flowing state but serene and calm on the surface.You may also want to go back on the memory lane when you dealt with a situation like this with great maturity. Also try remembering all the happier moments of the past may help you loosen the tension in your muscles a bit.
Constructive channel to vent out: You can try putting your thoughts and the emotions you experienced in a journal.Write down the entire episode and how you reacted and did it make you feel messed up after it.This may help you find a pattern in your triggers and reactions which you could safely avoid the next time.You can try talking to a trustworthy friend or family member who was not involved in the scene and would remain non-judgmental while you discuss the problem.
Modulate your tone and be assertive: You might be facing a storm inside try to speak it out in an assertive manner with a proper tone what the other person said or did makes you feel. You might want to talk it out and set the expectations right rather than suppressing it inside.
Finding Humor in the situation : This might apparently seem difficult because it involves turning your emotions 360 degrees.But once you start seeing things on a lighter note it would gradually change your habit.Imagine the people as any fictional characters who behave stupidly and make your laugh.Or you may try to describe this situation in your mind with a funny sentence or phrase.
Anger is an emotion or a mental tendency which we have given in to. Just remind yourself the consequences of anger and try to direct your energies in constructive matters. You could get what you want from yourself and others once your focus remains on self-improvement rather than finding faults with others. Sometimes your anger may be completely because of what the other person did but you need to handle the situation with dialogue and putting across your viewpoints in a constructive manner.
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